00:00 - is the diegetic audio meant the be there? 00:04 - as you point out, audio is out of synch for the first shot. You hold this first shot a little too long 00:09 - the shot of Sam is a little odd, considering the length of time you hold the first shot; I think you could aim to play more with the rhythm, editing to the beat perhaps? 00:16 - as discussed, the captions need to be tweaked in order to make them more interesting/ dynamic 00:17 - a lot of your camera-work is slightly shaky? Did you use a tripod, or is this deliberate? 00:28 - try to get the editing in time with the beat. Some of your shots (for example, your guitarist) are not held long enough (compared to, for example, your shot of the singer at the start, which is a little too long) 00:40 - I like the ECU of the singer; this is quite effective. I think you need to make more of the engagement with the chorus 00:46 - the shot of Sam is quite effective 00:51 - some of the shots really are quite dark and shaky 00:58 - I feel that the narrative is taking a little too long to get started; I don't quite get the connection. I would suggest treating one or other of the sequences in order to clearly differentiate. The 2-shot with the guitar is held for too long 01:03 - I would expect more to be made of the intro to the chorus again 01:15 - Sam doesn't appear to be hitting anythig with his right stick... I would like to see pacier editing here, to match the dynamic quality of the shots 01:26 - Similarly, the editing for the narrative needs to be a lot pacier 01:30 - the section during the bridge with the "found footage" needs a lot more content - you need a lot more to give this the kind of impact you want. I'm not sure you've made the narrative clear enough to sustain this kind of effect; we need to engage a lot more with your characters (you could compare your narrative to the video for "Two Birds" I showed you, for example). 02:02 - similarly here; you make too much of these moments 02:13 - the footage of the band performance is quite repetitive; you should aim to break this up a little more with use of the more interesting angles (for example, the high-angle of Sam) 02:18 - the ELS of you is out of focus and too shaky 02:25 - check the continuity on your band footage (there is a slight match issue when your guitarist turns) 02:29 - there seems to be some diegetic audio on the clip at the end of this shot 02:38 - this is the kind of shot I mean, but you hold it for too long 02:42 - the angle of the ELS here is off somewhat (unless it's the shelter)
Overall, at the moment I could probably give this 22/ 40, taking into account some of the more imaginative shots and editing. However, it needs to be a lot tighter and a lot more focused.
Tips for improvement: (1) Significant re-editing of the band footage to include pacier editing and a wider range of shots. Decide how you are going to treat the footage to make it look consistent (2) Re-edit (or reshoot) the narrative to make it more emotionally engaging/ interesting and structured (too few shots, takes too long to get going). Linked to this, the "archive" footage needs to be given more import - I like the idea and positioning, but I think the editing needs to be pacier and more considered. Personally, I would reshoot to make sure that everything is set up with well-positioned, static cameras. You might also want to think about differentiating the footage between the narrative and performance sections (different grading, for example) (3) Decide how you are going to employ the captions in a more consistent way to make them a more integral part of the piece
00:00 - is the diegetic audio meant the be there?
ReplyDelete00:04 - as you point out, audio is out of synch for the first shot. You hold this first shot a little too long
00:09 - the shot of Sam is a little odd, considering the length of time you hold the first shot; I think you could aim to play more with the rhythm, editing to the beat perhaps?
00:16 - as discussed, the captions need to be tweaked in order to make them more interesting/ dynamic
00:17 - a lot of your camera-work is slightly shaky? Did you use a tripod, or is this deliberate?
00:28 - try to get the editing in time with the beat. Some of your shots (for example, your guitarist) are not held long enough (compared to, for example, your shot of the singer at the start, which is a little too long)
00:40 - I like the ECU of the singer; this is quite effective. I think you need to make more of the engagement with the chorus
00:46 - the shot of Sam is quite effective
00:51 - some of the shots really are quite dark and shaky
00:58 - I feel that the narrative is taking a little too long to get started; I don't quite get the connection. I would suggest treating one or other of the sequences in order to clearly differentiate. The 2-shot with the guitar is held for too long
01:03 - I would expect more to be made of the intro to the chorus again
01:15 - Sam doesn't appear to be hitting anythig with his right stick... I would like to see pacier editing here, to match the dynamic quality of the shots
01:26 - Similarly, the editing for the narrative needs to be a lot pacier
01:30 - the section during the bridge with the "found footage" needs a lot more content - you need a lot more to give this the kind of impact you want. I'm not sure you've made the narrative clear enough to sustain this kind of effect; we need to engage a lot more with your characters (you could compare your narrative to the video for "Two Birds" I showed you, for example).
02:02 - similarly here; you make too much of these moments
02:13 - the footage of the band performance is quite repetitive; you should aim to break this up a little more with use of the more interesting angles (for example, the high-angle of Sam)
02:18 - the ELS of you is out of focus and too shaky
02:25 - check the continuity on your band footage (there is a slight match issue when your guitarist turns)
02:29 - there seems to be some diegetic audio on the clip at the end of this shot
02:38 - this is the kind of shot I mean, but you hold it for too long
02:42 - the angle of the ELS here is off somewhat (unless it's the shelter)
Overall, at the moment I could probably give this 22/ 40, taking into account some of the more imaginative shots and editing. However, it needs to be a lot tighter and a lot more focused.
Tips for improvement:
(1) Significant re-editing of the band footage to include pacier editing and a wider range of shots. Decide how you are going to treat the footage to make it look consistent
(2) Re-edit (or reshoot) the narrative to make it more emotionally engaging/ interesting and structured (too few shots, takes too long to get going). Linked to this, the "archive" footage needs to be given more import - I like the idea and positioning, but I think the editing needs to be pacier and more considered. Personally, I would reshoot to make sure that everything is set up with well-positioned, static cameras. You might also want to think about differentiating the footage between the narrative and performance sections (different grading, for example)
(3) Decide how you are going to employ the captions in a more consistent way to make them a more integral part of the piece